It has been a while since I have posted, and that can only mean one thing. It means that I have been going through a period of time when I have been unable, or more accurately unwilling to relinquish control of my thoughts via blogging.
I think that is something I need to work on. Being less of an internal processor and finding a willingness to throw my thoughts out into the universe for feedback. I found myself doing so the other evening. Allowing myself a moment of vulnerability in the company of someone who has become quite important to me recently. It was a beneficial conversation, and has taught me that I don't really need to rely so heavily on exclusively deciphering my own thoughts or feelings about a situation. This is particularly true when there is another involved in the matter at hand, and when that other may have the very answers that I could have concluded by myself but would only truly become valid with their feedback.
I have been through a fair amount of nonsense this year. Moving around and uncovering secrets that completely disrupted my vision for the future and revised who would be a part of that future. These interruptions and discoveries have led to some changes in me. Some for the better, and some that require patch work to overcome. Anyone who has been tracking me for the past couple years knows that post-separation from my husband I have become somewhat volatile and ever changing. Well surprise! I am changing yet again.
I am tired, exhausted actually, and so I have found a place I feel I can call home for a good long while. Perhaps...permanently. A place that provided me with sense of home ever so briefly in early 2009. I transported myself back to Saskatchewan in late July of this year, all the while throwing a silent mental tantrum. I did not know whether or not I was making the right decision but hoped that it would hold some of the allure it did in the past. Thus far I have not been disappointed by what I have found here. I have a full-time job, working in a restaurant/bar. Not exactly fancy but it is certainly an experience.
I have also met someone who in a shockingly short amount of time has become very important to me. At first it would seem that perhaps our meeting came at the wrong time for both of us because we are both still sorting through thoughts and feelings relating to recent past experiences BUT I choose to believe otherwise. I like to think that the universe would only introduce us with the hope that we could enrich the other and benefit from knowing one another.
So I have made a lot of changes and a few more changes have resulted from those changes, but I am genuinely happy. I feel calm for the first time in a good long while (possibly the first time ever) and I will do whatever I can to hold on to that feeling.
September 3, 2010
May 8, 2010
April 5, 2010
ESL and Entrails
To my surprise England is a nation preoccupied with thoughts of disembowelment. It is unclear whether or not this is a result of paranoia or sinister thoughts, but England is unquestionably obsessed with entrails. You hear whispers of it everywhere. On the bus, in a restaurant, and even on the television. Men, women and children alike talk openly about the national pass-time of "gutting".
That is why my word for the day is "gutted". I wish it was my favourite word because I hear it all the time. The definition of the word in context is not nearly as sinister as it may seem initially. It is used to express feelings of disappointment or upset. Gutted? Pretty harsh, isn't it? Yes, it is a fairly dramatic word to use considering it also refers to the removal intestines. However it does seem to encompass a good range of feelings in one word, and it does seem a bit more sophisticated to say "I am totally gutted" than it does to say "me is oh so very sad". Poor me with my brutish Canadian English upbringing.
What is the difference? Canada and England are both predominantly English speaking nations (lets ignore French Canadians shall we? Because I am not interested in wasting time and I am from glorious western Canada.). However moving from one English speaking nation to the mother of all English speaking nations hasn't been as seamless as I had hoped it would be. Oddly enough one of my greatest complications has been communicating with people. I try very hard to understand people when I am spoken to, and throughout the years I have learned to understand many accents without much difficulty, but apparently when an English accent is involved all that is required to confuse me is a slightly heavy accent, a fast pace, or a bit of drunkenness. Any or all of these three variables turn what should be plain English into completely incoherent gibberish.
Sometimes it is a result of vocabulary. I am almost embarrassed to say that I have had difficulty accomplishing some very simple tasks because of a difference in vocabulary. Let me introduce one scenario which I wish I could say happened to a friend of mine, but it did not. Couldn't have. Why? Because I don't have any friends here, and it did in fact happen to me. Which is why this confessional begins with "I". I (told you it would) was at a pub attempting to order a soda/pop/fizzy drink/soft drink and I (just to clarify) had so much difficulty that I (just in case you didn't catch it the first two times) had to resort to listing off the ones I (getting a bit overused) knew they had in hopes that they would understand and continue to list them. Why all the trouble? Because I couldn't manage to figure out the necessary vocabulary word and as a result the bartender could not figure out what I was trying to order. In my defense the bartender was not a native English speaker, but in her defense apparently neither am I...
The English language is complex and during my first three weeks in England I have learned a bit more about it. Most importantly, I now know it does not matter if you think you are right, because you can't argue with an English person about how to speak English. An increasingly irritating fact. However, what I do know for sure is that fillet is pronounced fill-EH (a terrible Canadian joke) and not fill-IT, and it offends my mouth to say it any other way. One tiny victory for me.
October 24, 2009
Time
It used to be that time would pass and I wouldn't give it much thought. Over the last...oh I don't know... month and a half it seems that the characteristics of time have changed. It doesn't pass quite as quickly as it used to, and it is somehow richer than it was before. As though every moment is made up of two or three, and that the world I live in now is one where time is something that entirely revolves around where I need to be and when I need to be there.
Whether where I need to be is a moment or two from now or a few hours, days, or months...lets say five... I am bound by it. Although recently it has become my greatest ally and has delivered a lot of gifts to me in a rather short amount of itself, it is now three times as long as it used to be and knowing the wait I am faced with it is becoming rather bittersweet. The time that has passed is home to the most precious moments of my life, but the time that has yet to elapse... the time I..or we.. will spend waiting is passing on the same watch. Ticking away slower than it used to and even slower still because we are watching it so closely.
Closeness is the true issue, isn't it? We are waiting to be closer, and time has complete control over that. However knowing how time has been treating us over the last little while I can't help but look forward with anticipation. It has much to offer us. All we can do is be patient enough to receive what has to offer us when it decides to allow us to have it, and be grateful that it has chosen to behave for us in such an anomalous manner to begin with. I am fairly certain that had time not changed its ways for us it would have taken us much longer to get where we are right now, and right now is where I want to be. The present is your home and because you are here with me it is also mine.
Whether where I need to be is a moment or two from now or a few hours, days, or months...lets say five... I am bound by it. Although recently it has become my greatest ally and has delivered a lot of gifts to me in a rather short amount of itself, it is now three times as long as it used to be and knowing the wait I am faced with it is becoming rather bittersweet. The time that has passed is home to the most precious moments of my life, but the time that has yet to elapse... the time I..or we.. will spend waiting is passing on the same watch. Ticking away slower than it used to and even slower still because we are watching it so closely.
Closeness is the true issue, isn't it? We are waiting to be closer, and time has complete control over that. However knowing how time has been treating us over the last little while I can't help but look forward with anticipation. It has much to offer us. All we can do is be patient enough to receive what has to offer us when it decides to allow us to have it, and be grateful that it has chosen to behave for us in such an anomalous manner to begin with. I am fairly certain that had time not changed its ways for us it would have taken us much longer to get where we are right now, and right now is where I want to be. The present is your home and because you are here with me it is also mine.
August 29, 2009
July 19, 2009
To Live
It can be rather disorienting. The immense range of opportunities, options and choices that present themselves. It just may be that we end up doing things, meeting people, being places, or making choices that we would not have ever seen ourselves doing. In a way it is the moments when I surprise myself that I enjoy the most. Because it gives me the opportunity to get to know myself a little better in the process. Take that experience, slap it on the table and slice it open...and really figure out what it means. What does it mean? At the very base level it means that I am living. What is the purpose of life? To live. Simple enough, isn't it?
What do I witness as a result of all of this self reflection? Evolution. My oh my, do I love evolution. Adaptation, change, extinction, creation...everything has a purpose and when its purpose is fulfilled it disappears. I see bits and pieces of myself disappearing. Not gone, but hidden. Forced into the caverns of my mind as a result of experiences gained. The people I know and will know. The places I have been and will be. All a promise of something. Not good, not bad, but something.
What do I witness as a result of all of this self reflection? Evolution. My oh my, do I love evolution. Adaptation, change, extinction, creation...everything has a purpose and when its purpose is fulfilled it disappears. I see bits and pieces of myself disappearing. Not gone, but hidden. Forced into the caverns of my mind as a result of experiences gained. The people I know and will know. The places I have been and will be. All a promise of something. Not good, not bad, but something.
July 16, 2009
I know what I would do, but I will leave this one up to you. Proceed with caution fair friend for you know not what you could have or what you are about to do. We had something built on nothing, and that is new. I have had nothing built on something. Neither is easy... but something built on nothing is...time sensitive. A cracked egg seeping, though the hen may keep it warm it's destiny was never to occupy the same role as the seamless others.
I do not claim to have any attachment to the cracked egg we shared. It was brief and in its own way perfection defined. It reminded me a lot about myself and why your type brings out the worst in me....that lost little girl chasing a stray kitten up the street...i didn't see the truck...it didn't see the kitten...i cried but survived the memory.
I do not claim to have any attachment to the cracked egg we shared. It was brief and in its own way perfection defined. It reminded me a lot about myself and why your type brings out the worst in me....that lost little girl chasing a stray kitten up the street...i didn't see the truck...it didn't see the kitten...i cried but survived the memory.
Bandages
What does it mean to be bandaged? Does it mean one is concealing something? Hurting? Or healing? Maybe a bandage is worn simply to keep things out while healing takes place. To prevent infection and influence from the outside world. Why am I bandaged? I am healing. Rediscovering a healthier and less infected version of myself. I was infected by the influence of another, subjected for too long to control. Control brought about by someone else and their deep-seeded insecurity, and kept involved by the love I felt for them. I fought myself constantly knowing that there was more in this world, or less, but wanting to discover completely the full range of opportunity. I couldn't have it, the freedom that I desired, and him at the same time. So it died, I stopped fighting, and I stopped loving. I didn't want him, but for a little while it seemed easier to stay and learn not to want myself than it did to go ahead and find myself. In hindsight I know it was unsustainable, but at the time it seemed like an option, not a good one, but an option.
Opportunity is in my blood, and change is a constant for me. Am I working towards something? Absolutely. Will I always be working towards something? Absolutely. Why can't I stop? Stopping is the slightly more evil cousin of settling. I have wasted time settling, and occupying a routine that I assumed was expected of me by society. Society told me don't leave. I knew for years that leaving was exactly what I needed to do. Do not misunderstand. My bandages aren't covering wounds of loss, but I have lost, a marriage, a lifestyle, and a familiar place. But all that familiarity brought about was the illusion of comfort. It was time to make an exchange... or quite simply a change. Now I seek constant change. Will I stop? No. Will I settle? Only temporarily. Will I be searching? Always. What purpose do my bandages serve? They are there to hold the pieces of myself together while I try to figure out the connections between them.
The bandages keep me close to myself, warm and peaceful. Peace is gained through the knowledge that I am on a path that I have the power to steer myself or to let my future come to me. Choices are one of the most beautiful things in life. Sometimes the fog is settled so low to the ground it is hard for me to see clearly. Other times it is clear what I have to do, but regardless of the state of the world around me, or of my own consciousness I keep travelling. Today I may prefer to go towards something rather than be passive and let it come to me. Tomorrow I may embrace a more passive approach opting to see what the world decides to send to me. I will take any road, throughout my life I have taken a few, and by the time I am done I will have taken many, but in reality it is only one. I have one path and that is the path that I take, it is my own, I am on my own, not alone, but independent. Some would say I only have one life, so I had better figure it out. Today, I say I have this life to figure it out. As the bandage slowly unravels I am not exposed, or even renewed. This is not a cocoon, I am still myself, but I am revealed.
Opportunity is in my blood, and change is a constant for me. Am I working towards something? Absolutely. Will I always be working towards something? Absolutely. Why can't I stop? Stopping is the slightly more evil cousin of settling. I have wasted time settling, and occupying a routine that I assumed was expected of me by society. Society told me don't leave. I knew for years that leaving was exactly what I needed to do. Do not misunderstand. My bandages aren't covering wounds of loss, but I have lost, a marriage, a lifestyle, and a familiar place. But all that familiarity brought about was the illusion of comfort. It was time to make an exchange... or quite simply a change. Now I seek constant change. Will I stop? No. Will I settle? Only temporarily. Will I be searching? Always. What purpose do my bandages serve? They are there to hold the pieces of myself together while I try to figure out the connections between them.
The bandages keep me close to myself, warm and peaceful. Peace is gained through the knowledge that I am on a path that I have the power to steer myself or to let my future come to me. Choices are one of the most beautiful things in life. Sometimes the fog is settled so low to the ground it is hard for me to see clearly. Other times it is clear what I have to do, but regardless of the state of the world around me, or of my own consciousness I keep travelling. Today I may prefer to go towards something rather than be passive and let it come to me. Tomorrow I may embrace a more passive approach opting to see what the world decides to send to me. I will take any road, throughout my life I have taken a few, and by the time I am done I will have taken many, but in reality it is only one. I have one path and that is the path that I take, it is my own, I am on my own, not alone, but independent. Some would say I only have one life, so I had better figure it out. Today, I say I have this life to figure it out. As the bandage slowly unravels I am not exposed, or even renewed. This is not a cocoon, I am still myself, but I am revealed.
July 13, 2009
Something old becomes new again...
It is easy to forget what it is like after nearly a decade of going without. What has happened has reminded me of what I haven't missed because I couldn't remember. I won't say that I need this, or even that I wanted this. I wasn't seeking it out...although I took the necessary steps to make it happen, but I am happy it is here...I am happy it happened. I won't say finally happened even though I suspect that I should.
I want to go into detail, but my reserved nature is preventing me from publicizing my experience. So once again it is up to you the reader to figure out what in the world i am talking about...
I want to go into detail, but my reserved nature is preventing me from publicizing my experience. So once again it is up to you the reader to figure out what in the world i am talking about...
July 8, 2009
Something about silence makes me sick...
What is this, paranoia? Or is my appraisal of the situation honest? Could it be that the way things were, are no longer the way things are? I am not who I was when we started this whole thing. Are you? I warn the world, I will not wait for anyone or anything. Do not make me wait. Why is it that you can? I don't want to but I feel compelled to. Is this normal? Am I behaving properly? Do you not have anything to say about it? To me? What about us? I am choked in more way than one when it comes to you. In good way I believe, i think, maybe. I am feeling hurt. You once told me that if I ever stopped talking to you you would have questions. I don't. I have nothing to say...I just don't understand. I sound like I have lost a lover, but I haven't. I haven't lost anything...it has been mere hours, but where are you in my time of need? I told you I would need you and you disappeared. I try not to be hurt by that, and I try not to feel rejected and uncared for... When it comes down to it I am just a sensitive senseless girl. Keep that in mind will you?
Edits
I have made some very obvious changes to my blog today. I won't say that I am completely happy with the end product, but it is a start. Definitely more appropriate than what I had before. I have also added a flickr banner that you can use to access my photostream. Photography is becoming a big thing for me these days so it is an extension of and compliment to this blog. Why? Because this blog is about me silly.
June 30, 2009
Splash Award
I was nominated for this Splash blog award a couple months ago, and only just got around to acknowledging the compliment. Not because I wasn't flattered, I was, but I was being neglectful of my blog. Much appreciated Race!
June 29, 2009
A little bit of exaggerated self reflection...
“It kind of makes you think” he said to her with a certain heaviness in his voice.
She knew what he meant but lightened the mood by letting out a short breathy laugh “yes it does”.
They both laughed in tandem, and didn't discuss it any further.
It had been like this for months. They had all the love that lovers should without the commitment. Best friends they called one another, and they were. Spending hours in the company of each other. No two people could have been closer, but they were too independent. Not even the great deal of love shared between them was enough to make them give up their separate ways. Yes, they knew that there were things they could get from one another that they could not get from others, and they weren't looking for others. They seemed to have the potential to be endless, but did they have forever? In the way that some people do? Would they ever?
"It is good to be single, isn't it?" He said with a smile in his voice.
She knew what he meant and without a hint of laughter she said "yes it is".
They didn't laugh, but just like before they didn't discuss it any further. She sighed, but she does that from time to time.
Sometimes there is a greater purpose for two people. Could it be the case with the two of them? Did they need something? Something like a correction of paths, resulting from the convergence of two minds. Could it be healing, or companionship, an escape, or something more? One detail worth knowing is that neither of them are alone anymore. Is that a problem? Some believe it is. What they share is something most can not understand. It is an affair, and a love story, but unconventional and ruled by reason. Someday maybe it will be something more, but it doesn't seem even slightly deficient in the moment.
It is the little things. Details are important. Today is a detail, filled with little things, and in a sense today is the only thing that is important. The only details worth knowing are the ones that directly effect us in the moment. With no sense of greater purpose or vision for the future she said to herself, to him and to everyone "we will see".
She knew what he meant but lightened the mood by letting out a short breathy laugh “yes it does”.
They both laughed in tandem, and didn't discuss it any further.
It had been like this for months. They had all the love that lovers should without the commitment. Best friends they called one another, and they were. Spending hours in the company of each other. No two people could have been closer, but they were too independent. Not even the great deal of love shared between them was enough to make them give up their separate ways. Yes, they knew that there were things they could get from one another that they could not get from others, and they weren't looking for others. They seemed to have the potential to be endless, but did they have forever? In the way that some people do? Would they ever?
"It is good to be single, isn't it?" He said with a smile in his voice.
She knew what he meant and without a hint of laughter she said "yes it is".
They didn't laugh, but just like before they didn't discuss it any further. She sighed, but she does that from time to time.
Sometimes there is a greater purpose for two people. Could it be the case with the two of them? Did they need something? Something like a correction of paths, resulting from the convergence of two minds. Could it be healing, or companionship, an escape, or something more? One detail worth knowing is that neither of them are alone anymore. Is that a problem? Some believe it is. What they share is something most can not understand. It is an affair, and a love story, but unconventional and ruled by reason. Someday maybe it will be something more, but it doesn't seem even slightly deficient in the moment.
It is the little things. Details are important. Today is a detail, filled with little things, and in a sense today is the only thing that is important. The only details worth knowing are the ones that directly effect us in the moment. With no sense of greater purpose or vision for the future she said to herself, to him and to everyone "we will see".
May 15, 2009
There has been some complaing about the unclear nature of some of my blog posts. I want you all to know that if my post does not make sense it is intentional. You may ask me about the meaning behind my words and if I see value in sharing I will. Otherwise you have my permission to attach any meaning to it would you like. Slander me. Analyze me. Construct me. Deconstruct me. Or if you can manage to, do the same or worse to yourself. Yes, I know we are living in a fact based society, but honestly ask yourself why you need to know? I would rather you misunderstand me than allow myself to be restricted coherent posts. There are always things in ones life that are not to be shared with others, or only to be shared with a select few. At time I use this blog to share things in my life that feel I can not comfortably divulge. So you get analysis without the subject being openly declared. Maybe you will find meaning in the analysis. What I won't say is "I don't care if you understand, because I write for myself." If I said that it would a a half truth, because often I don't care if you understand but I do not write only for myself. If I did then the contents of this blog would be written in a locked journal instead tucked away beneath my neatly folded socks nestled in my precious new dresser drawer. Oh look at me giving away all my secrets.
May 11, 2009
An Early Morning Post
I bought a dresser on Saturday. A place to store my clothing. A place for them to call home. I hope that someday I am as lucky as they are. Over the last little while I have been thinking about what it is that I truly want from life and I do know. It will come as a disappointment to most of my friends, but I want the same things I wanted a few months ago. The very same things I left to find. Although I did not find what I was looking for at the time I am plotting ways to find it again. I can not tell you why I am drawn to Saskatchewan. Perhaps it is a place to clear my head, and to focus on what it is that needs attention in my life. I seek to find a place of seclusion. Which to be honest here in my nest far away from everyone I almost have what it is that I want. One close friend calls it my sanctuary, and I must agree. But there are things that I can not have here that I could have there. Although there would be sacrifices I have been there and I have tasted what it is that I want, and I must say it is worthwhile. I am doing my time here and waiting for the day that I can break loose. That is going to take quite a bit of time. So much time that I may find another path. But I am plotting my escape. Yes, it would be an escape...I won't deny that. But and escape for the right reason. The reason? Now is the time for me to truly focus on getting what it is that I want and need, and that can only be done if I am able to live without distraction for a little while. I am alone, but not lonely, and I need it to be this way.
April 14, 2009
Make Me
Tell me where this compulsion comes from? You can tell me time, and time again. I only want to hear it, even though I know it, mirroring my thoughts with your speech. That is the ultimate. How is it that I came to be as I am today? Could I have resisted it? Such independence, and free thinking. That I can now see and enjoy something that I previously did not consider. It is a gift. One that most would not be open to receiving, but it moves me, it compels me, it makes me look skyward and ponder. Should I look over there? Should I change my point of view? It makes me expect more of others. It makes me wish i could be their puppeteer for my own benefit, and theirs if they can see the value of it. Most of all it made me realize that though there will be times in my life where I will go without, never again will I be without.
March 20, 2009
Another Late Night
Tonight it hurts. The ache of loneliness is crushing me, the feelings of inferiority and self-doubt are taking over. Keep trying, try harder, and don't quit. Shut-up. All the things I tell myself just to stay motivated. To keep myself from seeing the truth. The routine I have known is gone, and I am alone again. Yet, it seems to come back and sting me now just as it has in the past. Is it you? Maybe, or maybe not. Is it me? Without a doubt. I have nothing but myself at this time, so it must be me. It is always me. I feel as though the quality of things has been compromised. That the shards of self that I have worked so hard to reassemble, are not being held as tightly by the glue as I thought they would have been.
(Writers Note: March 22, 2009 - I don't want to post this, but I will. A fragment of a moment, an incomplete blog, but not something I can finish now. The feeling has started to pass, and though it is not entirely gone, the intensity has lessened.)
(Writers Note: March 22, 2009 - I don't want to post this, but I will. A fragment of a moment, an incomplete blog, but not something I can finish now. The feeling has started to pass, and though it is not entirely gone, the intensity has lessened.)
March 18, 2009
My Rant
I had my first job interview today, and admittedly I would like to work for the company. However the interview left me feeling deeply uncertain about how things are going to pan out.
First of all, the employer has not actually decided whether or not she is going to fire the person I would be replacing. I found this discovery mildly annoying. However she was pretty quick to say that she is considering opening up a new position even if she doesn't fire the girl. So the job may not even exist? Ummm...damn. That is just one level of uncertainty.
Secondly, she told me that if I have any other job offers to please come and talk to her first. So do they only want me if someone else also wants me? Or is she looking to hire me, but just doesn't want to tell me right away. I can't really say one way or another.
Also, she told me she has three other people she has to interview before she makes a decision. Ok, fine. Sure. Four people are being interviewed for a position that may or may not be available. However, she proceeded to tell me that I had very strong letter writing skills, and the best resume she had seen out of 100+ people she has had apply for this job in the past. Both very flattering, but it doesn't mean a damn thing if I don't get the job. Is having the best resume and the strong letter writing skills enough? Is it to much? After all, my last employer didn't want to hire me because I was "to intellectual". They said it, not me. I was blown away by them saying this, because pardon me for being old fashioned, but I think being smart is a desirable trait.
With respect to this interview. I don't know where it is going, or if it is going anywhere at all. She said she would call me on Monday to let me know. Then she said, no I will try to aim for Friday. Well... I guess all I can really do is wait to hear what she decides. Having said all of that I really liked her, I liked the office, I like the description of the position and the potential for growth.
There you have it. One interview down, and I survived. Although I am not entirely thrilled with the process so far. I pray for a quick end to this madness.
First of all, the employer has not actually decided whether or not she is going to fire the person I would be replacing. I found this discovery mildly annoying. However she was pretty quick to say that she is considering opening up a new position even if she doesn't fire the girl. So the job may not even exist? Ummm...damn. That is just one level of uncertainty.
Secondly, she told me that if I have any other job offers to please come and talk to her first. So do they only want me if someone else also wants me? Or is she looking to hire me, but just doesn't want to tell me right away. I can't really say one way or another.
Also, she told me she has three other people she has to interview before she makes a decision. Ok, fine. Sure. Four people are being interviewed for a position that may or may not be available. However, she proceeded to tell me that I had very strong letter writing skills, and the best resume she had seen out of 100+ people she has had apply for this job in the past. Both very flattering, but it doesn't mean a damn thing if I don't get the job. Is having the best resume and the strong letter writing skills enough? Is it to much? After all, my last employer didn't want to hire me because I was "to intellectual". They said it, not me. I was blown away by them saying this, because pardon me for being old fashioned, but I think being smart is a desirable trait.
With respect to this interview. I don't know where it is going, or if it is going anywhere at all. She said she would call me on Monday to let me know. Then she said, no I will try to aim for Friday. Well... I guess all I can really do is wait to hear what she decides. Having said all of that I really liked her, I liked the office, I like the description of the position and the potential for growth.
There you have it. One interview down, and I survived. Although I am not entirely thrilled with the process so far. I pray for a quick end to this madness.
March 16, 2009
The Huntress or The Hunted?
For the past 5 days I have been actively searching for a job. I am looking all over the place, but focusing my search on Downtown Vancouver. After a romp in the wild country of Saskatchewan the next logical step is to move to the City of Vancouver, isn't it? Honestly I decided to move out that way after talking to a friend and making some plans to become roommates in the big, bad city in a couple months.
I toyed with the idea of getting a job locally and saving up some money to move and then finding another job out that way. Seriously, how stupid would that be? Two job searches in this brutal economy? Forget it. Over the past five days I have applied for 30+ jobs and I have had two responses. My first interview is tomorrow and then I have another one the day after. Last time I was looking for a job I applied to one place and was hired. Times are changing. I have found that it is prudent to change with them.
I have had the greatest amount of success with allowing employers to come to me rather than searching for them. Why? Because if you grab their attention and they initiate contact you are in a pool of one...or at least few candidates for the position. If you run around like a fool applying for every job that suits your needs (like every one does including me) then you are in a pool of 100+ applicants vying for one measly position. See the logic behind baiting the employer to come to you? It works. You get a crack at an unadvertised position, and that is very beneficial in such a competitive job market.
I am looking forward to my interview tomorrow, and I am of course hopeful that my job search will be over and this one will be the one. I don't know much about the position, but i do know a little bit about the company from personal web research and I do believe that it would be the kind of environment that I would enjoy working in.
So, tonight I go to bed early, and tomorrow I get up very early (4:30 - 5:00 am) so that I can catch the first morning train to the city. Why? Because until I move out that way I will need to take the train to the city every weekday. It means I will be in Vancouver around 7 am for an interview that doesn't start until 2 pm, but I need to research my future transportation before I can completely decide to rely on it. The round trip is going to cost me about $20, so it is certainly not a free experiment. However it is necessary, and once I have a job I will buy a pass that allows me to travel at a much cheaper rate (though it will still be fairly pricey). That is why moving to the city will be necessary within a couple months. Not to mention how tiring a 1 hour commute there and 1 hour commute back is going to be. Although I have experienced worse. It used to take me 2 hours to get to my university from my house. That was a dreadful experience, and it resulted in me deciding that attendance was optional. That doesn't exactly work for a job, and a one hour commute is actually not bad at all in comparison. One hour is not ideal though so I will be moving, very soon.
Oddly enough, I have never been interested in the idea of moving to Vancouver. It never crossed my mind as something I could see myself doing. Then again neither did Saskatchewan, and we all know I did that. I suppose right now I am open to any change, and I certainly need to go where the opportunity is. In my opinion, Vancouver is the place to be at the moment. Go where the jobs are, and right now that is in the city. So here I go again, and honestly I am tired of all of this moving around. I haven't been settled in over 4 months, and it is starting to feel like an eternity. This next move is probably going to be the last one I make for quite sometime. So no worries future roommate I am in it for the long haul.
I toyed with the idea of getting a job locally and saving up some money to move and then finding another job out that way. Seriously, how stupid would that be? Two job searches in this brutal economy? Forget it. Over the past five days I have applied for 30+ jobs and I have had two responses. My first interview is tomorrow and then I have another one the day after. Last time I was looking for a job I applied to one place and was hired. Times are changing. I have found that it is prudent to change with them.
I have had the greatest amount of success with allowing employers to come to me rather than searching for them. Why? Because if you grab their attention and they initiate contact you are in a pool of one...or at least few candidates for the position. If you run around like a fool applying for every job that suits your needs (like every one does including me) then you are in a pool of 100+ applicants vying for one measly position. See the logic behind baiting the employer to come to you? It works. You get a crack at an unadvertised position, and that is very beneficial in such a competitive job market.
I am looking forward to my interview tomorrow, and I am of course hopeful that my job search will be over and this one will be the one. I don't know much about the position, but i do know a little bit about the company from personal web research and I do believe that it would be the kind of environment that I would enjoy working in.
So, tonight I go to bed early, and tomorrow I get up very early (4:30 - 5:00 am) so that I can catch the first morning train to the city. Why? Because until I move out that way I will need to take the train to the city every weekday. It means I will be in Vancouver around 7 am for an interview that doesn't start until 2 pm, but I need to research my future transportation before I can completely decide to rely on it. The round trip is going to cost me about $20, so it is certainly not a free experiment. However it is necessary, and once I have a job I will buy a pass that allows me to travel at a much cheaper rate (though it will still be fairly pricey). That is why moving to the city will be necessary within a couple months. Not to mention how tiring a 1 hour commute there and 1 hour commute back is going to be. Although I have experienced worse. It used to take me 2 hours to get to my university from my house. That was a dreadful experience, and it resulted in me deciding that attendance was optional. That doesn't exactly work for a job, and a one hour commute is actually not bad at all in comparison. One hour is not ideal though so I will be moving, very soon.
Oddly enough, I have never been interested in the idea of moving to Vancouver. It never crossed my mind as something I could see myself doing. Then again neither did Saskatchewan, and we all know I did that. I suppose right now I am open to any change, and I certainly need to go where the opportunity is. In my opinion, Vancouver is the place to be at the moment. Go where the jobs are, and right now that is in the city. So here I go again, and honestly I am tired of all of this moving around. I haven't been settled in over 4 months, and it is starting to feel like an eternity. This next move is probably going to be the last one I make for quite sometime. So no worries future roommate I am in it for the long haul.
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