Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
What am I doing? I don't do this. Looking down at my foot I think "what do you think you are doing?". I don't wiggle, umm, at least not usually. I bring my hand to my mouth....I want it....I want to bite my nails.... That is when I realized. I am nervous. Your situation is making me nervous. I don't want to bite my nails though. I mean I want to, but I don't want to. I glute squeeze instead (it is a bellydance thing) and has become a bit of a nervous habit. At least I can build muscle while I am nervous instead of making my fingers sore and bloody.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Really? Honestly? Am I sure I am nervous? I can hear it pounding. The rain and the hail. I can hear you and your tone. So yes, I am sure. Why do I care? Did you honestly just ask that? Why? It is you. And I... oh you know. It is you. You are there, and I am here. Want to come over? Oh how I wish you could. You are in danger, and I sit by and listen. Not ideal, but I honestly wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I couldn't be anywhere else, at least not happily.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
What did you say? A chill runs up and down my spine, I freeze... you must be kidding me right? I can tell from the tone of your voice that you are not. So stern, so deep...deeper than usual...is that even possible? Apparently. It has touched ground? I let that sink in for a moment. Where? Oh no, not there. I want to scream "take shelter now!" but I stay as calm as I can and silent. You know what to do, and when to do it. I trust that much.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
It is gone? I take in a deep breath and let it out very slowly, but heavily and audibly. It has been a noisy night, and as long as the noise continues I know there is a threat of it touching down again. You have told me so, and I have listened to you. Waiting and wiggling maybe an hour more before the noise fades and we are left in silence. Just you and I. Exhausted. It was a long night.
Tonight I revisited something I already knew. Something I say sometimes. Something you say sometimes. We say it to each other, but after tonight I will never hear it the same, and in particular I will never say it the same. Tonight allowed me to see you in, not a new way, but a more intense way. It was a situational realization, and I suppose one could say it was instinctual. You tell me it is not even the season yet. That there is much more to come. Brutal. Do I have more to learn? Can I handle more? I don't know, but I do know that I will be there.
