I am about to make a pretty big move, dragging my sorry self from the Westcoast of Canada a couple provinces over. Saskatchewan?!?! I must, I mean I really must be going mad. Actually yes I am, and that is part of the reason why I am moving. With the exception of a few years my entire life has been spent among the mountains and lush greenery of British Columbia. Sure, it is beautiful here.
There are parts of this province that I know so well. Other parts I don't know well enough. I can remember myself walking down the street in the cities I have lived in. I know them better than anyone simply driving by. This is the difference in perception that walking down a street can give you. These streets are a part of me, just as I was a part of the scenery when I walked them. People drove by, they saw me, and I saw them. I am forever painted into the British Columbian landscape, if only in memory. Like I said people drove by, they saw me, and I saw them.
The problem with familiarity is that there comes a time when you get so comfortable you are no longer able to appreciate your surroundings. No matter how beautiful. When that time comes you must do what you can to regain the respect you once had. I am hoping to do that. Yes I know B.C. well, and yes I love it. Of course I do. I would have to be crazy not to... ok well maybe I am a little crazy. There is a word for how I feel at the moment, jaded. I am just tired of the life that I have been living. I am tired of seeing people come and go while I remain in place. I am determined not to be the person that watches others experience the world. I will not cage myself any longer.
What do I need right now? A different landscape. To be a part of a different scene. Enter Saskatchewan. Of all the places in the world I would have never pinpointed Saskatchewan as being somewhere I needed or wanted to go. However it seems life is guiding me there, or I am guiding my life there. Either way. I am going to be living in a little two bedroom house, in a town of 200 people. I am making the move from a town of well over 400,000 people to a town of 200 people. This could be an adjustment. A friend of mine that is well versed in small town living advised me to keep my mouth shut and expect others to do a lot of talking. I had thought about that already, and his advice confirmed my suspicions.
How many people get to experience living in small town Canada? Not many, since most people flock to bigger cities. Well, I am at a point in my life where despite the comfort of city living I could use the clarity that nothingness and being alone will bring. I will indeed be spending most of my time alone. To some the prospect of being alone surrounded by nothing is terrifying. I am a little different, and recently I have been having a difficult time being around people in general. When I am doing a lot of rearranging, planning, and thinking I honestly don't want other people around. Recently I have lost interest in being around people. I don't mind talking but when it comes to living with someone else I just can not do it. I can't force myself to care about the needs, wants and interests of another. I sound horribly cold when I say that, but I have never been able to be simply accountable to myself. So I need to learn how to be myself, all by myself, for myself.
Saskatchewan in my opinion is very beautiful indeed. The ground is flat, without trees or lush greenery. It is the opposite of what I am used to and akin to living on another planet. I am about to become a Martian. AHA! That is why I love it so much! Ray Bradbury's book The Martian Chronicles. My interpretation of his description of Mars looks almost exactly like the Saskatchewan landscape in fall. I am moving to the beautiful and the bleak. Where the wind blows and the temperature dips well below freezing.
If you need clarity, clean your plate.
